So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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