my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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