Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
