Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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