Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
