did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
