I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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