I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
