you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
