I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
