the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
