she sounds like chewbacca in bed
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize