her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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