sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
