Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
