They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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