I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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