things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
