he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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