I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
