I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
