the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
