Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
