Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm just crazy horny about you
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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