Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
