we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
