remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
false alarm. still invincible.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
