Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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