you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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