why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
