I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
