Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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