Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
