Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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