I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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