Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize