I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
did you just send me my own nude
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
