So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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