Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
