I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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