even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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