she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
