party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have fence marks all over my body
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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