Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
