haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's blow job season.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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