so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
