woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
