If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
