Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
