More tranny stories later!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
When are your genitals available?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
