May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
