South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
