I think I am morally bankrupt
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
