Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he was CRYING into my vagina
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
