I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the condom got lost in my hair
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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