The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
