I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
