video games are the ultimate cock blocker
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
