My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
