Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
