the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
