the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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