i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
