Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
