Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
